Cancer in the news

I don't always manage to watch the news or read the paper as much as I'd like. To be honest, I get most of my news on the radio (3 cheers for public radio!) driving to and from SOV.

That said, I did notice how "in the news" Elizabeth Edwards' recurrence of breast cancer has been. Below is a post from a "Care Page" blog, this is the link. I appreciate the thoughts and perspective of the author, Lori Hope.

On the Decision of Elizabeth and John Edwards

Like many, I was shocked to learn that John and Elizabeth Edwards had decided to continue their presidential campaign in spite of Elizabeth's breast cancer recurrence. I fully expected John Edwards to do what I imagine I would want my own husband to do if I my cancer were to return: drop everything and stay by my side.

My initial question — "How could he?!"— faded quickly as I realized what I was doing: passing judgment.

Though I'm not a Bible-quoting kind of gal, "Judge not lest ye be judged" popped into my head.

How can anyone know what they would want, what they would do in such a situation? You cannot know until you've walked a mile in someone else's shoes. You just can't.

And as I learned when researching my book, Help Me Live: 20 Things People with Cancer Want You to Know, cancer patients need others to support their decisions, not second-guess them. "I want you to trust my judgment and my treatment decision," agree most patients. We arrive at such decisions after much thought and consideration, after exploration of feelings and imagined consequences. To question vital decisions – about treatment or other courses of action -- is to insult people's intelligence and make arrogant assumptions that infantilize them.

Whether you applaud the Edwards family for not letting cancer "win" in the sense of allowing it to take over their lives – whether you admire them for putting the nation's needs above their own (although that's making yet another assumption) – whether you think a "good" husband drops everything to support a wife battling a deadly disease – if you want to know what helps, what hurts, what heals, listen up.

What helps is to accept their decision. What hurts is to judge and disparage them. What heals is to offer our love, to send thoughts of peace and light and forgiveness, to know that they made the best choice for them and their family.